The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller
1. Recognize the true purpose of marriage
Keller argues that marriage isn't merely about personal happiness but is a means of personal growth.
He states:
"Marriage has the power to set the course of your life as a whole. If your marriage is strong, even if all the circumstances in your life around you are filled with trouble and weakness, it won't matter. You will be able to move out into the world in strength."
2. Marriage is about giving, not taking
Keller emphasizes the importance of selflessness in marriage.
He advises:
"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God."
3. Maintain your identity
While marriage involves two people becoming one, Keller encourages maintaining individual identities.
He asserts:
"We should not let a relationship mean that we lose who we are in the process."
4. Learn to forgive
Keller underscores the importance of forgiveness in maintaining a healthy marriage.
He states:
"You don't fall into love. You commit to it. Love is saying, 'I will be there no matter what'."
5. Acceptance is key
Keller reminds readers that accepting one's spouse, including their faults and weaknesses, is key to a successful marriage.
He advises:
"You can only afford to be generous if you actually are living in a state of grace, in a state of being accepted and loved."
6. Keep friendship alive
Keeping the friendship aspect of the relationship alive is crucial for its longevity, as per Keller.
He says:
"What marriage is for: It is there to help each of us kill our desire to rule, to replace it with a desire to serve. Marriage is giving you a taste of what it is like to be in the ultimate marriage."
7. Marriage is a lifelong commitment
Keller emphasizes that marriage is a lifelong commitment, not just a contractual agreement.
He writes:
"Marriage is a moment of glory and of joy, and it is worth the commitment."
8. Understand the importance of spiritual companionship
Keller also underscores the importance of spiritual friendship in marriage.
He asserts:
"A good marriage is not just about marrying the right person. It is also about being the right partner."
9. Work through the hard times
Keller encourages couples to persevere through tough times.
He states:
"The hard times of marriage drive us to experience more of the transforming love of God."
10. Seek wisdom and counsel
Finally, Keller advocates for seeking wisdom and counsel through marriage counseling or guidance from trusted individuals.
He writes:
"Wisdom is what’s left after we've run out of personal opinions."
